A man is traveling through the most remote parts of a desolate area somewhere in what seems to be the most 'lost' part of the world. As he walks, he begins to hear a low murmuring, behind a rock formation. Curious, he walks toward the area. Peering around the corner of the rocks, he sees what appears to be a makeshift altar, with a large stone cut perfectly into the shape of an "O" upon it. People in white robes are gathered, softly chanting, "Nil.... Nil.... Nil..." Others are saying things addressed to "the Great Nullity" and "the Blessed Emptiness."
Eventually the man walks up to one of the white clothed observers, and turning to him he asks:
[wait for it....]
[WAIT FOR IT....]
"Is nothing sacred?"
Friday, October 25, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
You Must Become Like Children
All from kids 9 and under.
First, "Letters to God." Some funny, but some wisdom as well.
1) Dear God: Is it true that my father won't go to heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
2) Dear God: What does it mean, 'I am a jealous God'? I thought You had everythings?
3) Dear God: Did You really mean, 'Do unto others'? Cuz if You did, I'm really gonna fix my brother.
4) Dear God: Thank you for the baby brother. But what I really prayed for was a puppy.
5) Dear God: Please send me a pony. I've never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
6) Dear God: Maybe Cain and Abel wouldn't kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It worked for me and my brother.
7) Dear God: I want to be just like my daddy when I grow up, but not with so much hair all over.
8) Dear God: You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways.
9) Dear God: I bet it's hard for You to love everybody in the whole world. There are only four in our family, and I can never do it.
10) Dear God: In school they taught us that Thomas Edison made light. In church, they taught us You did. I'll be he stoled your idea.
11) Dear God: I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was really cool!
12) Dear God: I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying.
13) Dear God: My grandpa says You were around when he was a little boy. How far back do You go?
Then, stories about kids:
A) A mother saw a thunderstorm coming up in a late afternoon, and being worried about her 7 year old daughter who had to walk 3 blocks to come home from school, mom went out to meet her. As she found the little girl amidst countless lightning flashes, totally unconcerned and smiling, the child ran to her mother exclaiming happily, "Mommy - God's been taking my picture all the way home!"
B) Q: How do you decide who to marry? A: Nobody really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and then later you find out who you're stuck with.
C) Q: What is the right age to get married? A: 23 - because you know the person FOREVER by then.
D) Q: How can you tell if two people are married? A: Sometimes you just have to guess, like watching to see if they holler at the same kids.
E) Q: What do your mom and dad have in common? A: They don't want any more kids.
F) Q: What would you do on a date? A: Dates are for having fun, and you should get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
G) Q: If you see two adults at a restaurant, how can you tell if they're in love? A: If they stare at one another and their food gets cold, they're in love.
H) Q: What is the role of beauty and handsomeness in love? A: It isn't always about looks. Look at me, I'm handsome as anything, and I'm not married yet.
I) Q: Why do people in love hold hands? A: Because they don't want those rings to fall off. They paid good money for them.
J) Q: What do people need to know when they're in love? A: Someone has to know how to write a check, because there will be LOTS of bills!
K) Q: When should you say, 'I love you'? A: You shouldn't say I love you unless you really mean it. But if you DO mean it, you should say it a LOT, because people forget.
L) A mother was making pancakes for her two sons, Kevin who was 5, and Ryan who was 3. As the cakes cooked, the boys fought over who would get the first one. Mom saw an opportunity to teach a moral lesson, and so she said, "If Jesus was here, He'd say, 'Let My brother eat first. I can wait.'" To this, Kevin looked at his brother and said, "Ryan - YOU be Jesus!"
M) A little guy saw a neighbor who had just lost his wife crying. The boy left his mother, and climbed up onto the lap of the man, and just sat there. Later, the mother asked her son, "What did you say to him?" The boy replied, "Nothing, mommy. I just sat there and helped him cry."
First, "Letters to God." Some funny, but some wisdom as well.
1) Dear God: Is it true that my father won't go to heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
2) Dear God: What does it mean, 'I am a jealous God'? I thought You had everythings?
3) Dear God: Did You really mean, 'Do unto others'? Cuz if You did, I'm really gonna fix my brother.
4) Dear God: Thank you for the baby brother. But what I really prayed for was a puppy.
5) Dear God: Please send me a pony. I've never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
6) Dear God: Maybe Cain and Abel wouldn't kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It worked for me and my brother.
7) Dear God: I want to be just like my daddy when I grow up, but not with so much hair all over.
8) Dear God: You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways.
9) Dear God: I bet it's hard for You to love everybody in the whole world. There are only four in our family, and I can never do it.
10) Dear God: In school they taught us that Thomas Edison made light. In church, they taught us You did. I'll be he stoled your idea.
11) Dear God: I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was really cool!
12) Dear God: I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying.
13) Dear God: My grandpa says You were around when he was a little boy. How far back do You go?
Then, stories about kids:
A) A mother saw a thunderstorm coming up in a late afternoon, and being worried about her 7 year old daughter who had to walk 3 blocks to come home from school, mom went out to meet her. As she found the little girl amidst countless lightning flashes, totally unconcerned and smiling, the child ran to her mother exclaiming happily, "Mommy - God's been taking my picture all the way home!"
B) Q: How do you decide who to marry? A: Nobody really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and then later you find out who you're stuck with.
C) Q: What is the right age to get married? A: 23 - because you know the person FOREVER by then.
D) Q: How can you tell if two people are married? A: Sometimes you just have to guess, like watching to see if they holler at the same kids.
E) Q: What do your mom and dad have in common? A: They don't want any more kids.
F) Q: What would you do on a date? A: Dates are for having fun, and you should get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
G) Q: If you see two adults at a restaurant, how can you tell if they're in love? A: If they stare at one another and their food gets cold, they're in love.
H) Q: What is the role of beauty and handsomeness in love? A: It isn't always about looks. Look at me, I'm handsome as anything, and I'm not married yet.
I) Q: Why do people in love hold hands? A: Because they don't want those rings to fall off. They paid good money for them.
J) Q: What do people need to know when they're in love? A: Someone has to know how to write a check, because there will be LOTS of bills!
K) Q: When should you say, 'I love you'? A: You shouldn't say I love you unless you really mean it. But if you DO mean it, you should say it a LOT, because people forget.
L) A mother was making pancakes for her two sons, Kevin who was 5, and Ryan who was 3. As the cakes cooked, the boys fought over who would get the first one. Mom saw an opportunity to teach a moral lesson, and so she said, "If Jesus was here, He'd say, 'Let My brother eat first. I can wait.'" To this, Kevin looked at his brother and said, "Ryan - YOU be Jesus!"
M) A little guy saw a neighbor who had just lost his wife crying. The boy left his mother, and climbed up onto the lap of the man, and just sat there. Later, the mother asked her son, "What did you say to him?" The boy replied, "Nothing, mommy. I just sat there and helped him cry."
Friday, March 8, 2013
There Were These Two Angels
at the gates of heaven. And they saw a group of people moving toward them, attempting to gain entry to the Kingdom. The first angel says, "Hey, aren't these the people who, while on earth, kept preaching 'alternative lifestyles' to everyone, trying to teach all that there is no right or wrong, but only individual freedom?" The second angel replied, "Yes, that's the group." The first angel said, "Well, we need to turn them straight around and send them off to hell, don't we?" The second angel said, "Why are you so intolerant? After all, they all think they led a wonderful and peaceful life. What we need to do is allow them to continue in their former way of thinking and living." Somewhat confused, the first angel asked, "What are you talking about?" The second angel got a smile on his face, and he said, "We need to send them to their own 'heaven' - it'll just be a place with an alternatively hot climate......."
Monday, March 4, 2013
Sometimes, the truth hurts...
A good friend once said to me, "It's really hard to market fasting, prostrations, tithing, ...."
Found at http://pinterest.com/pin/41587996530178570/
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Is Your Priest REALLY Orthodox?
Found this on a blog from another priest (a Father James Early) a long time ago. Maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I did.
The mere fact that a man has been ordained to the Holy Priesthood by an Orthodox bishop in good standing does not necessarily mean that such a priest is Very Orthodox. Nor does a priest’s personal piety, adherence to Orthodox dogma, excellence as a liturgist, or love for his flock necessarily place him the ranks of the “Very Orthodox.” If the priest is a convert, it matters little what personal sacrifice he has made to become an Orthodox priest.
Instead, we all know that the most important thing in determining the “Orthodoxness” of a priest is his personal appearance, particularly the way he dresses and grooms himself. For as the Scripture says, “Man looks at the heart, but the LORD looks at the outward appearance” (1 Sam. 16:7, New International Twisted Version - NITV).
In light of this, it is important that each priest be evaluated on his Orthodoxness, so that those who are Very Orthodox can be commended, while those who are Not Very Orthodox can be encouraged to become more so (and perhaps also chided for being closet Roman Catholics or Protestants). So, please take a moment to answer the following questions, and then refer to the scoring guide to determine the Orthodoxness of your priest.
1. Headgear. My priest wears the following on his head:
A. Nothing ever.
B. A liturgical hat at the appropriate times in services, but nothing otherwise.
C. A liturgical hat at the appropriate times in services, and a skufi (or equivalent) at other times when on the church grounds.
D. A liturgical hat at the appropriate times in services, and a skufi (or equivalent) at all other times.
2. Hair. My priest’s hair is as follows:
A. Short and shaved tight on the back and sides in a semi-military style.
B. Short, but not shaved.
C. Collar or shoulder-length, but with no pony tail.
D. Collar or shoulder-length, with a pony tail.
E. Longer than shoulder-length, with a pony tail.
3. Beard. My priest’s facial hair configuration is as follows:
A. Mustache only or (gasp!) clean-shaven
B. Closely-trimmed goatee
C. Long goatee or closely-trimmed full beard
D. Longer full beard, but trimmed
E. Very long beard, untrimmed
4. Outerwear. When not conducting services at my parish, my priest wears the following outer garment(s):
A. A Roman collar with a suit.
B. A Roman collar with a cassock, but only while on the church grounds or off-grounds performing a sacramental act.
C. A Roman collar with a cassock, at all times
D. A Roman collar with a cassock and exorasson at all times.
E. A cassock and exorasson at all times, but with no Roman collar
(Note: If B, C, or D applies, but without a Roman collar, give your priest one extra point)
5. Shoes: I normally see the following on my priest’s feet:
A. Black dress shoes like one would see in a corporate office.
B. Plain black shoes, but nicely polished.
C. Plain black shoes, but scuffed up and covered with wax, oil, etc.
D. Open- or closed- toed Birkenstocks (or similar sandals), with socks
E. Open-toed sandals without socks.
Scoring Guide: For each “A”, award your priest 0 points. Each B equals 1 point, each C equals 2 points, each D equals 4, and each E is worth 5 points. In addition, award your priest one bonus point if he bathes only once a week or less often. Now refer to the following rubric to see just how Orthodox your priest is.
21-25 Points: Uber-Orthodox. Your priest is a paragon of Orthodoxy, a shining example for the clergy, and well on his way to sainthood. He will probably end up on an iconostasis somewhere in 200 years or so.
16-20 Points: Very Orthodox. While your priest will probably not find his way onto an iconostasis, he is nonetheless a paragon of proper Orthodoxness. He is worthy of commendation and honor.
11-15 Points: Solidly Orthodox. Your priest is quite Orthodox, but has much room to improve. But at least he is not likely to be mistaken for a Roman Catholic or Anglican priest, which would be tragic.
6-10 Points: Barely Orthodox. Your priest runs the risk of being mistaken in public for a Roman Catholic or an Anglican priest. He needs to study photographs of eighteenth and nineteenth century Russian priests (or monastics of any period since the middle ages) and adjust his appearance accordingly.
0-5 Points: Is He Even Orthodox? Your priest may well be a Roman Catholic or (more likely) an Evangelical at heart. Clearly, his highly westernized dress and grooming is motivated by shame for Orthodoxy and a desire to fit in to society. He should be ashamed of himself.
The mere fact that a man has been ordained to the Holy Priesthood by an Orthodox bishop in good standing does not necessarily mean that such a priest is Very Orthodox. Nor does a priest’s personal piety, adherence to Orthodox dogma, excellence as a liturgist, or love for his flock necessarily place him the ranks of the “Very Orthodox.” If the priest is a convert, it matters little what personal sacrifice he has made to become an Orthodox priest.
Instead, we all know that the most important thing in determining the “Orthodoxness” of a priest is his personal appearance, particularly the way he dresses and grooms himself. For as the Scripture says, “Man looks at the heart, but the LORD looks at the outward appearance” (1 Sam. 16:7, New International Twisted Version - NITV).
In light of this, it is important that each priest be evaluated on his Orthodoxness, so that those who are Very Orthodox can be commended, while those who are Not Very Orthodox can be encouraged to become more so (and perhaps also chided for being closet Roman Catholics or Protestants). So, please take a moment to answer the following questions, and then refer to the scoring guide to determine the Orthodoxness of your priest.
1. Headgear. My priest wears the following on his head:
A. Nothing ever.
B. A liturgical hat at the appropriate times in services, but nothing otherwise.
C. A liturgical hat at the appropriate times in services, and a skufi (or equivalent) at other times when on the church grounds.
D. A liturgical hat at the appropriate times in services, and a skufi (or equivalent) at all other times.
2. Hair. My priest’s hair is as follows:
A. Short and shaved tight on the back and sides in a semi-military style.
B. Short, but not shaved.
C. Collar or shoulder-length, but with no pony tail.
D. Collar or shoulder-length, with a pony tail.
E. Longer than shoulder-length, with a pony tail.
3. Beard. My priest’s facial hair configuration is as follows:
A. Mustache only or (gasp!) clean-shaven
B. Closely-trimmed goatee
C. Long goatee or closely-trimmed full beard
D. Longer full beard, but trimmed
E. Very long beard, untrimmed
4. Outerwear. When not conducting services at my parish, my priest wears the following outer garment(s):
A. A Roman collar with a suit.
B. A Roman collar with a cassock, but only while on the church grounds or off-grounds performing a sacramental act.
C. A Roman collar with a cassock, at all times
D. A Roman collar with a cassock and exorasson at all times.
E. A cassock and exorasson at all times, but with no Roman collar
(Note: If B, C, or D applies, but without a Roman collar, give your priest one extra point)
5. Shoes: I normally see the following on my priest’s feet:
A. Black dress shoes like one would see in a corporate office.
B. Plain black shoes, but nicely polished.
C. Plain black shoes, but scuffed up and covered with wax, oil, etc.
D. Open- or closed- toed Birkenstocks (or similar sandals), with socks
E. Open-toed sandals without socks.
Scoring Guide: For each “A”, award your priest 0 points. Each B equals 1 point, each C equals 2 points, each D equals 4, and each E is worth 5 points. In addition, award your priest one bonus point if he bathes only once a week or less often. Now refer to the following rubric to see just how Orthodox your priest is.
21-25 Points: Uber-Orthodox. Your priest is a paragon of Orthodoxy, a shining example for the clergy, and well on his way to sainthood. He will probably end up on an iconostasis somewhere in 200 years or so.
16-20 Points: Very Orthodox. While your priest will probably not find his way onto an iconostasis, he is nonetheless a paragon of proper Orthodoxness. He is worthy of commendation and honor.
11-15 Points: Solidly Orthodox. Your priest is quite Orthodox, but has much room to improve. But at least he is not likely to be mistaken for a Roman Catholic or Anglican priest, which would be tragic.
6-10 Points: Barely Orthodox. Your priest runs the risk of being mistaken in public for a Roman Catholic or an Anglican priest. He needs to study photographs of eighteenth and nineteenth century Russian priests (or monastics of any period since the middle ages) and adjust his appearance accordingly.
0-5 Points: Is He Even Orthodox? Your priest may well be a Roman Catholic or (more likely) an Evangelical at heart. Clearly, his highly westernized dress and grooming is motivated by shame for Orthodoxy and a desire to fit in to society. He should be ashamed of himself.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)