Found this on a blog from another priest (a Father James Early) a long time ago. Maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I did.
The mere fact that a man has been ordained
to the Holy Priesthood by an Orthodox bishop in good standing does not
necessarily mean that such a priest is Very Orthodox. Nor does a priest’s
personal piety, adherence to Orthodox dogma, excellence as a liturgist, or love
for his flock necessarily place him the ranks of the “Very Orthodox.” If the
priest is a convert, it matters little what personal sacrifice he has made to
become an Orthodox priest.
Instead, we all know that the most important
thing in determining the “Orthodoxness” of a priest is his personal appearance,
particularly the way he dresses and grooms himself. For as the Scripture says,
“Man looks at the heart, but the LORD looks at the outward appearance” (1 Sam.
16:7, New International Twisted Version - NITV).
In light of this, it is important that each priest be
evaluated on his Orthodoxness, so that those who are Very Orthodox can be
commended, while those who are Not Very Orthodox can be encouraged to become
more so (and perhaps also chided for being closet Roman Catholics or
Protestants). So, please take a moment to answer the following questions, and
then refer to the scoring guide to determine the Orthodoxness of your
priest.
1. Headgear. My priest wears the following on
his head:
A. Nothing ever.
B. A liturgical hat at the appropriate times in
services, but nothing otherwise.
C. A liturgical hat at the appropriate times
in services, and a skufi (or equivalent) at other times when on the church
grounds.
D. A liturgical hat at the appropriate times in services, and a
skufi (or equivalent) at all other times.
2. Hair. My
priest’s hair is as follows:
A. Short and shaved tight on the back and sides
in a semi-military style.
B. Short, but not shaved.
C. Collar or
shoulder-length, but with no pony tail.
D. Collar or shoulder-length, with a
pony tail.
E. Longer than shoulder-length, with a pony
tail.
3. Beard. My priest’s facial hair configuration is
as follows:
A. Mustache only or (gasp!) clean-shaven
B. Closely-trimmed
goatee
C. Long goatee or closely-trimmed full beard
D. Longer full beard,
but trimmed
E. Very long beard, untrimmed
4. Outerwear.
When not conducting services at my parish, my priest wears the
following outer garment(s):
A. A Roman collar with a suit.
B. A Roman
collar with a cassock, but only while on the church grounds or off-grounds
performing a sacramental act.
C. A Roman collar with a cassock, at all
times
D. A Roman collar with a cassock and exorasson at all times.
E. A
cassock and exorasson at all times, but with no Roman collar
(Note: If B, C,
or D applies, but without a Roman collar, give your priest one extra
point)
5. Shoes: I normally see the following on my
priest’s feet:
A. Black dress shoes like one would see in a corporate
office.
B. Plain black shoes, but nicely polished.
C. Plain black shoes,
but scuffed up and covered with wax, oil, etc.
D. Open- or closed- toed
Birkenstocks (or similar sandals), with socks
E. Open-toed sandals without
socks.
Scoring Guide: For each “A”, award your
priest 0 points. Each B equals 1 point, each C equals 2 points, each D equals 4,
and each E is worth 5 points. In addition, award your priest one bonus point if
he bathes only once a week or less often. Now refer to the following rubric to
see just how Orthodox your priest is.
21-25 Points:
Uber-Orthodox. Your priest is a paragon of Orthodoxy, a
shining example for the clergy, and well on his way to sainthood. He will
probably end up on an iconostasis somewhere in 200 years or
so.
16-20 Points: Very Orthodox. While your
priest will probably not find his way onto an iconostasis, he is nonetheless a
paragon of proper Orthodoxness. He is worthy of commendation and
honor.
11-15 Points: Solidly Orthodox. Your
priest is quite Orthodox, but has much room to improve. But at least he is not
likely to be mistaken for a Roman Catholic or Anglican priest, which would be
tragic.
6-10 Points: Barely Orthodox. Your
priest runs the risk of being mistaken in public for a Roman Catholic or an
Anglican priest. He needs to study photographs of eighteenth and nineteenth
century Russian priests (or monastics of any period since the middle ages) and
adjust his appearance accordingly.
0-5 Points: Is He Even
Orthodox? Your priest may well be a Roman Catholic or (more
likely) an Evangelical at heart. Clearly, his highly westernized dress and
grooming is motivated by shame for Orthodoxy and a desire to fit in to society.
He should be ashamed of himself.
